Category Archives: Cravings

30.5 days to go?  What do you mean?  You are on Day 4, that leaves only 26 days….are you unfamiliar with math?
Yes. Yes. Yes.  I know.  I screwed up.  It happens.
Today I woke up to a snowstorm…IN APRIL!  I like the snow as much as the next guy, but when you have been shovelling the white stuff since the middle of October you get to the point where enough is enough.  I have had enough.  I pulled the kids snow pants, mittens, toques, and snow boots out of the closet.  I ran upstairs and got my own “winter deflection” suit out of my bedroom closet.  It was horribly depressing.  I bundled up my kids and trudged across the field in the blowing snow to drop the 5 year old at the kindergarten door.  The whole walk back home the little guy (three) was grumbling bitterly about being cold, the only thing that kept him focused on not turning into a lifeless heap of child flesh was getting a hot chocolate at home.
We made it back to the house and I brewed up a pot of steaming hot tea.  I opened my coconut milk, added the perfect amount and stirred.  I knew once I had the first few mouthfuls in me I would feel better.  I merrily mixed up a cup of hot chocolate for the mini tator, poured a generous amount of milk in it, and then tested it to see if it was cool enough.  I put a straw in the cup, gave it to my son, and then stared in disbelief at what I had just done.  Three days of sugar withdrawal symptoms thrown out the window because I didn’t want my kid to burn his mouth.
Okay, okay, I get it, it isn’t a full blown failure.  Honestly, if it had happened on day 24 I wouldn’t care. Sadly, it was Day 4.  Am I completely derailed? No.  Am I going to drive off to Costco and buy the biggest bag of chips known to man?  No.  Am I going to go through the cupboards and put all the potential contraband in a box to be hidden in the garage and only dispensed by “dad”?  Damn straight.
I am also going to add 4 days on to the original end date of my Whole30.  Why?  Because I want this to be a fully clean 30 days.  No mistakes.  I need this to be perfect, not for weight loss, not for inches lost, I need it to be perfect solely for me.  I need to know I can do it.  If I have to go a little OCD at first so be it.  Crazy just means I am more fun.
In other news I will be posting a recipe for a paprika chicken tomorrow.  I will also put up the recipe for the Potato family’s favourite paleo rice!  Hopefully with pictures….stupid Instagram, or stupid me for not being smart enough to use it properly.  Tonight is menu and grocery planning night so expect a post on those topics – I can even put up receipts so you can see how the Potatoes budget for this.  Or what about a post about paleo/whole30 shopping?  
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I’ve done this before.  I knew what to expect.  I was prepared for it.
No, no I wasn’t.  This time is so much worse.  I remember reading on a few forum posts that the second time around is brutal for a lot of people, but I ignored that and thought I would be different. I was wrong.
I want to crucify a chocolate bunny and then eat its remains.  Yeah!  The scene would look something like this….. 
….except instead of Robert Carlyle with blood dripping everywhere….it would be me with the zombie eyes and the melted remains of an innocent Mr. Munchie Easter bunny all over my face.  Not pretty.   Imagine the background noise of two distressed children because mommy went “28 Weeks Later” on their Easter candy and you have a rough approximation of where I am at right now.  
Add to this the general sense of rage I am feeling over the fact that I have imposed this arbitrary embargo on all things sugar related and my day starts to get interesting.  I literally bounce between wanting to eat my weight in Toblerone bars to wanting drown myself in the shower because I am so pissed off at myself for not being able to eat the aforementioned sugar bomb (like my use of a big word there…I used to work for a lawyer).  I honestly do not know what way is up today.  All I really know is that I am on the verge of “pregnancy level” imbalance and I don’t like it.   I am a monster.
Over and above that my mouth feels odd, like I have been sucking on a battery or something.  It’s gross.  Metallic tasting.   I am drowning myself in water trying to get rid of it and it just won’t go away.
Despite all this emotional turmoil and weird mouth business I did have a “breakthrough” of sorts today.  My kids were driving me nuts, I recognize they weren’t doing anything unusually aggravating but, I was being driven up the wall regardless.  So, after picking up my oldest from kindergarten I decided to pack them into our car and drive to the den of inequity that is McDonald’s and get them Happy Meals.  We were scooting along the road to GMO heaven when suddenly I thought, “what the hell are you doing?”  (sorry, but I actually think with curse words)  So, I kept on driving right to the Starbucks pick-up window and ordered a brewed coffee (black) and came home.  I prepared some leftover chicken, some soup, and a small salad.  Oddly enough my salad, soup and chicken did not leave me with that awful junk food feeling in my belly.  What’s more, I actually feel sorta … awesome about my choice to drive past McDirty’s.  My kids, on the other hand were extremely perturbed that I would go to Starbucks and not get them cake pops.  Sorry tator tots, but if I am suffering you should too.  Have some carrots and celery instead.
This has been my day so far and it is only 3 PM.  I have 4 hours until the tator tots go to bed, 3 hours until Mr. Potato comes home, and about 37 seconds left of patience.  Tomorrow’s post should be fun….or bitchy….only time will tell.
Toodles, my lovelies.